dnv1983

Many years ago I met these two guys at a camp that I went to.  I considered the two of them two of my best friends.  For a long time they were probably the best male friends I had.  Then I started "growing up" or that is what I am going to call it. 
Now one of these guys I held a tourch for for a long time.  And to a extent  the feeling was mutual.  There was a mutual attraction.  Then he started dating someone who was a very jelous person and coersed him into telling a huge lie to my parents.  This happended when we were 16 and we didn't talk for about six months after that.  When we began talking again he apologized and I forgave him for that.  Fast forward we are now 21.  He calss me one day and tells me that he got a girl pregnant and that he now has a son.  He told me that he and the grl are no longer together and that he sees his son every weekend.  He said that he loves his son very nuch but that if he had it to do it over again he would havve waited until he was married.   I thought that that meant that he would stop having unprotected sex.  Then he asked me out .  We never did go out.  Becuse of our history and the mutual attraction I did seriously consider it.  The we lost touch again for about a year or so.  We began talking again and made place to get together in a group setting.  The day we chose to get together he started asking me if I would consider sleeping with him.  At the time I said maybe after we were in a relationship and heading towards marriage.  I said that I wasn't going to just jump into bed with him especially considering he had a child already with a different woman.  Then that day I heard from his friends that there was a chance that he could have another child with a different woman.  Since I had no way to prove that the baby was his at the time I gave him the benifit of the doubt.  A few weeks later I found out from a mutual friend that the child was his.  When I confronted him about it he still continued to deny the child. He said that the mother was no longer in his life and that he didn't tell me the truth about the child because he didn't wanna hurt me.  The truth is that what hurt the most was not that he had another child but that he lied to me about it because he knew that he wouldn't get what he wanted if he told me the truth.  It hurt because from then on I realized that he didn't respect me and he just wanted me because he wanted sex.  The child didn't do anythig to deserve being denied either which is even worse.  The thing is sometimes I still wonder about him.  I still find my self saying what if things had been different.  What if I had gotten a chance with him?  Would he have different to me?  It has always been hard for me to let go of friendships even when it is obvious that is what needs to happen.  There was so much stuff between us that it hard to let go of it.  I have to accept that he is just not the person I wanted him to be or that he could be.  He said he was like this because he came from a single mother household and his father had deserted t hem when they found out he had a disability.  Just because his father was a jerk didn't mean that he had to be one also.
The other guy didn't have as much history with me as the first one did but he was still a friend.  Well at least I thought he was.  This guy borrowed a chuck of money from ne.  He said that his car had gotten inpounded and that his 9 month old daughter's things were in that car.  So I lent him some money.. He said that he would pay me back but I lent him the money in November and not only have I not recieved any money but I have not heard from him since January. I really don't know what is wrong with me. Why do I attract these sorts of men.  Is there something wrong with me?